by Elizabeth J. M. Walker
"This night sucks!"
Lana is a high school senior enrolled in Vampire Education – a class to teach students about the very real presence of vampires in the world. Lana and her classmates don’t really expect to meet up with any undead bloodsuckers. Vampires are a lot like other scary things that supposedly exist but you hope you’ll never come across: nudist colonies, mad cow disease, and your parents’ sex life.
What is part of Lana’s everyday reality is navigating through one last year of high school while desperately trying to be less nerdy. She still loves spaceships, fantasy novels, and cat stickers, but she also recently got her braces removed, grew boobs, and is working on the makeup thing. She never expected her crush-of-a-lifetime Pete to even notice her – let alone ask her out on a date.
The date is going great until Pete’s ex-girlfriend Katy shows up, all bloody and pissed off. Lana quickly realizes that Katy is not just her ordinary bitchy self – she has been turned into a vampire which, in turn, takes Lana and Pete's date from a hot and steamy make-out session to an unexpected vampire-hunting expedition.
Young Adult, Fantasy, Comedy. 100 pages.
Vampire Ed – the fluffiest of the fluff courses any senior could take – is sandwiched right between Home Ec and Art on my timetable, a course list that is probably going to severely limit my eligibility for most university programs. But at least I’ll learn real life skills from my classes, like how to avoid being killed by a vampire and how to make the best damn chocolate chip cookies ever. Art is pretty much a useless class where I spend forty-five minutes of my day trying to convince myself that I prefer abstract art over realism, but mainly just because I suck at drawing.
In today’s Vampire Ed class our potbellied, middle-aged teacher is listing items one should always keep on their person – either in your purse or backpack. The teacher has the usual garlic spray and cell phone combo. Garlic spray is like pepper spray, but of the garlic variety – much more useful when fending off vampires. Added to those are a wooden stake, at least a metre of silver chain, fresh garlic in a sandwich bag, and at least one small flask of holy water.
I have a cell phone, which I finally got after a lot of begging my parents and agreeing to get a job so I could pay half the monthly bill. That’s it. Most of my classmates never really expect to meet up with an undead bloodsucker, anyway. Vampires are a lot like other scary things that supposedly exist but you assume you’ll never come across: nudist colonies, mad cow disease, and your parents’ sex life. You hear about mad cow disease on the news and your parents must have had sex for you to even exist, but it’s just not a part of your everyday reality.
About the Author:
Elizabeth J. M. Walker has published zines for over a decade and lives in her hometown of Windsor, Ontario, Canada. She Dreamed of Dragons is her first novel.